Howdy Howdy all!

Okay, now generally I dont HATE retail but there are those moments that really get my goat so to speak.....Now when someone walks up, looks at a price tag, sees the price...WHAT pray tell compels them to then ask someone what the damn price is anyway? I just wanna know so that maybe I can understand it a little better...If it reads $349.00 and a lot of our stuff does indeed read that price and much much higher then damn-it that's the price. I am sorry if it seems too steep for you..No wait no, I am not sorry damn-it! You do not NEED a freaking $1500.00 buffet/sideboard, that you will NEVER use because no one in the freaking world has used those fuckers since before the Civil War! Douche!

Okay here is today's real issue, when did it become everyone else's job to make sure something YOU purchased will fit in your vehicle? When was this meeting held? Why was I not informed of it? Now I know everyone is on this trip to buy the BIGGEST fucking vehicle available...the PROBLEM with this shit is that the damn thing is HUGE on the outside and microscopic on the inside. Especially if you lose your mind and get the DAMN FOOL package that has a dvd player and televisions in the headrests and all sorts of other useless shit that no body needs to have while traveling.  Okay now here is how it all went down...

ME: Okay ma'am, that King Four Poster bed will be here on Thursday and like I said, you WILL need an open bed pick-up or a moving truck to transport that to your house. Okay?

CLOWN: Oh I have a big enough vehicle. It'll fit in a hummer right?

ME: No ma'am Absolutely not fit in a hummer. The backdoor of the vehicle is not wide enough and the vehicle is not long enough to accomodate(sp) the rails.

CLOWN: Do you know how big a hummer is?

ME: Yes ma'am I do. Do you know how big a king sized bed is?

CLOWN: Okay fine,I cant come on Thursday to get if  but  I'll see you on Saturday to pick it up.

Fast forward to today(saturday)..she comes in to pick up the bed. I take care of the paper work and direct her to the loading area. We meet her and what is she driving???????? A FUCKIN HUMMER!!!! BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOUR CRAZY ASS when you ordered it??????? 

ME: Hey guys! Stop, her vehicle is not big enough and I dont want you to start hauling these boxes(THREE HUGE ONES) out there for nothing.

CLOWN: No. I talked to my husband and HE says it will fit! I need to pick it up today so if you all could bring it out that would be great okay.

ME: Ma'am, lets take the measurements of the boxes and measure it against the vehicle opening first. Those boxes are very heavy and I would rather no one had to mess with them until we know for sure that they will fit (Of course I know they won't).

CLOWN: I'm in a hurry. I need to pick up my daughter! IT will fit! It is a HUM-MER (she separates the word for emphasis).

now I almost slapped the piss out of her but I let the bitch go on and make it...the guys said okay just to keep the peace and guess what ya'll????? The smallest box wouldnt even get pass the opening!

YOU CUNT!

Well now the heifer is embarrassed and I refused to make it better.

ME: Okay guys, I am so sorry and it is blazing hot out here! Why dont ya'll wait a second before dragging ALL of THIS stuff BACK inside. I'm sorry ya'll I know this sucks.

CLOWN(now timid and sheepish): Well my husband said it would fit.

Now her husband wasnt here when she bought it and I doubt he told her it would fit in the first place, she just said it to try to shut me up...

ME: Well I guess that's that ma'am. Give us a call when you are ready to come and pick it up. You will need an open bed pickup or a moving truck in order to get home successfully. You have a great day....

CLOWN: I really am sorry about all of this. I thought for sure it would fit. As much as it costs it should, shouldnt it? she tries to chuckle and laugh it off....oh hell no! This aint funny and you aint off the hook clown!

ME: Well, you have a good day....

CLOWN: Will you tell those gentlemen I apologize...

ME: No problem ma'am we do this ALL the time...good day.

She crawls to her car and hopefully dies a little inside from the shame of it all.....

When we tell you that something WON'T fit, it aint because we want you to go without it. We just don't wanna be lugging heavy ass shit back and forth all because your dimensional perceptions are ASS!

END RANT

How about some poetry...here goes....(gifts for YOU of course, of course, of course, doll)

The Life Of LoveXVI- (winter)

Come close to me, oh companion of my full life;
Come close to me and let not Winter's touch
Enter between us. Sit by me before the hearth,
For fire is the only fruit of Winter.


Speak to me of the glory of your heart, for
That is greater than the shrieking elements
Beyond our door.
Bind the door and seal the transoms, for the
Angry countenance of the heaven depresses my
Spirit, and the face of our snow-laden fields
Makes my soul cry.


Feed the lamp with oil and let it not dim, and
Place it by you, so I can read with tears what
Your life with me has written upon your face.


Bring Autumn's wine. Let us drink and sing the
Song of remembrance to Spring's carefree sowing,
And Summer's watchful tending, and Autumn's
Reward in harvest.


Come close to me, oh beloved of my soul; the
Fire is cooling and fleeing under the ashes.
Embrace me, for I fear loneliness; the lamp is
Dim, and the wine which we pressed is closing
Our eyes. Let us look upon each other before
They are shut.
Find me with your arms and embrace me; let
Slumber then embrace our souls as one.
Kiss me, my beloved, for Winter has stolen
All but our moving lips.


You are close by me, My Forever.
How deep and wide will be the ocean of Slumber,
And how recent was the dawn!--Khalil Gibran 

Goddess Bless